Although my husband and I planned to have a second child, it took us by surprise that it actually happened so quickly. We weren’t exactly planning yet, but we also weren’t exactly being careful either. Baby Eli just turned 8 months old when we found out we were adding a new addition to the family. Initially we were shocked, but I soon realized shortly after, that it was probably a good idea to start trying sooner rather than later anyway since we weren’t exactly getting any younger (I’m 35 and my husband is 39).
Even though she came by surprise, it felt pretty natural to us, almost like she was meant to come sooner than we had anticipated. I have heard from other mothers that all pregnancies are different, and I have to say that my experience has been no exception to this in some ways. My cravings are a little different this time around. With my boy, I craved more salty foods and surprisingly more healthy foods like salads, fish and chicken. With this pregnancy, all I want is sweets and desserts. Bring on the carbs!! With my first, I absolutely loved being pregnant. I was over the moon, and I felt great even though I grew very swollen because of the preeclampsia. I still managed to feel good in my skin, and I didn’t gain too much weight. With my second pregnancy, I haven’t been feeling too great at all. Yet, many people have been telling me I don’t look swollen. My belly grew over night and is literally twice the size compared to my first. This probably has something to do with the fact that I was in the middle of losing all my baby weight when I found out I was pregnant again. I had lost 20 pounds, but still had another 20 or so to go. When I found out, I just sort of let go and let myself indulge. I know it’s a bad way to think but I kind of wanted to go easier on myself this time around. Going through this big life adjustment is hard enough with our body changes, hormones going crazy and all of the aches and pains we endure. I figured this time I wanted to just enjoy the process.
This pregnancy has literally flown by compared to my first. I can already see how different this experience has been, and I think this may have something to do with having a one year old at home and having been through it all before. With only 9 weeks left to go, I still haven’t done a thing to prepare for her arrival. No nursery, no bags packed and ready for our hospital stay, no bottles and no clothes. I had everything set and organized with my first by the time I was seven months pregnant. Yet somehow, I actually feel way more calm. I guess you learn to operate differently once you have a child. It is true that you really don’t sweat the small stuff as much the second time around. Time is literally of the essence when it comes to organizing and preparing anything when you become a parent. What I would have planned months in advance pre-child, I now take it day by day.
Mom guilt has of course also started to come into play. I feel bad that I haven’t been paying the same attention to my pregnancy this time. We actually only have one ultrasound picture of this baby. I had like 10 plus 4D pictures and a video with my first. I feel bad that I don’t have quite the energy now to keep up with my one year old the way I normally do since I am in my third trimester now. Luckily, I have a lot of good mom friends that help keep me sane and remind me that it is all just a phase and we all just do the best we can.
As hard as it is getting through the day taking care of a one year old and being in my third trimester, I can’t help but think lately that I really need to stop and enjoy this time with my first and enjoy this time being pregnant since all of these experiences are so fleeting. I definitely don’t want to look back regretting that I hadn’t stopped and taken a minute to just be in the moment and enjoy it even though I’m so physically and mentally drained at times. These really are one of the hardest but best and most cherished moments I’ll ever have. I want to make time to stop and feel her kicking in my belly, and I want to frame more of her ultrasound pictures. Even though it has been more difficult to really stop and enjoy the moment, we are no less excited to meet our baby. Sometimes I have to pinch myself that I am going to be a mother to a little girl. I feel so lucky and blessed.
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